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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Do What You Wanna Do

I'm adorable. And by adorable I mean, ridiculous. I think I've managed to post one blog per year. Maybe that should've been my new years resolution this year... to really try and think through my feelings by blogging them. ;)

Since the last blog post, almost a year ago; I've moved back home, left Chick-fil-A and am now at The Woodsman Co. (an outdoor store in the Fort), and have almost completely changed the face of who I am.

Facinating. Haha.

Before I dive in, I'd like to say that I think it's okay to change. Is it okay that I give us all that permission? YES. So you're twenty-three and a college graduate with a degree you wish you would've thought through better... it's okay. It's okay because you aren't alone, I'm the captain of that ship my friend.

I never imagined I would be this person. So unstable, so confused. I never thought my dreams and desires would be so scattered and abstract until it's impossible to pin point exactly what direction I want to take. I meet people every single day that know what direction they're headed in. They may not know how they're going to get there, but they know where they're going. Those friends are two or three steps ahead of me... I don't even know which way to look for the direction that I may want to go.
Through the jobs I've had I have gotten the opportunity to get to know some pretty colorful characters. These people have helped to shape me into the confused individual that I proclaim to be. (which, let me emphasize, is okay)
I recently had a mind-blowing conversation with a co-worker of mine, that made my current world completely make sense. I've been in a weird period of transition for about a year now. This place in my life has caused me to stress, cry, lose sleep, become anxious and every other feeling that would accompany discomfort. Nick has been crucial to my sense making. In case you don't know me too well, I have a tendancy to fly off the handle when it comes to change and stress. Without people like Nick, I would just lose it.

We started out discussing American culture and how children are reared versus how children were raised fifty years ago and even how we were raised ten years ago. American culture within this new, young generation has changed so much. As confused as we think we are about our lives, these poor little tykes are going to have heart attacks by the age of twenty-five due to the lack of direction and mentorship within their lives. It's vital. As vital as a good mentor and guide is in the lives of young adults, there is also this great need for someone to reiterate to them that their confusion is okay. It should be embraced even. Confusion within the path or paths to take within life, confusion with emotions, all the way down the confusion with the tough stuff: politics and religion. People should embrace their thoughts, literally take their questions and rabbit trails and give them a great big hug and just sit and chew on them for a while. When we allow ourselves to really think what we want to think, we learn who we are, which in turn, opens up the path(s) we want to take.

I was thinking about all this encompassed within the conversation Nick and I were having, and came to a realization.

                                          America, we have to do what we want to do.

It sounds so simple, and elementary and easy. But it's not. Think about what you really want to do, what makes your heart sing, what puts a dance in your step. Now think about all the things/people/responsibilities telling you not to do it. For me, and dare I say, for you as well, it can all boil down to how we were raised and what drives us.

What drives you?

What gives you purpose?

I'm going to go ahead and assume the majority of people reading this are believers in Christ. And I'm also going to go ahead and assume that you all answered those questions quickly and quite literally.

What drives me? Well, Christ and the furtherance of His Kingdom.
What gives you purpose? Haha... Christ. Seriously?

But really chew on that. Really think about you. Really walk into that unknown dark forest and explore. What drives you? What gives YOU purpose? Why do you want to live?

Here are my thoughts:

How is it, that we feel one way about life, do some things and experience results that aren't satisfying? How can we be expected to profit from a life that we don't invest 100% in, and above all, how can we invest 100% into something that we don't really and truly wish to experience? Essentially, how can we expect to feel fullfilled living a life that we do not love?
Do you see what I'm saying?

I couldn't help but go back to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There are levels of fullfillment that we reach throughout our lives. If one of those levels isn't reaches accordingly, we cannot fully focus on the following level. Take food, water and shelter for instance; if you haven't eaten in days, have no home, and are not sure where your next meal will come from, how are you going to be able to focus on finding a job? Or on needless things like politics and the law? Obviously those aren't going to be your primary concerns. You're going to seek food and shelter first, no matter the cost. So and so forth up the ladder.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Notice that things like "morality, problem solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts" are all at the highest level.  According to Abraham Maslow, in his 1943 paper "A theory of Human Motivation", Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity. Maslow used the terms "Physiological, Safety, Belongingness, Love, Esteem and Self- Actualization" Self-transcendence, the highest level of fullfillment, refers to when a person seeks to further the boundaries of their ideal self, to experience an intimacy beyond themselves.
As I chewed on this for a moment, I thought to myself, no wonder  I, along with countless others, do not feel fullfilled in Christ.

                                                                  Gasp.

We have come to believe that we have to "give everything" and "forsake ourselves" in order to truly believe in Christ and love according to the Word. I'm not sure about you guys, but I don't want to do that. What do I really want to do? I really want to see the world. I really want to be outside all the time. I really want to meet and learn from many different people and cultures. Experience life. Some may say it's because I am twenty-three, but I don't think it is. I know some people older than myself, who are searching just like I am. What if I'm actually ahead of the game. What if I'm going through my mid-life crisis now? The way I see it, I've got one choice. I've got one life. I have to do what I feel.

To explain my thought processes, I have often used my recent decision to chop my hair off. Now, I realize that a haircut isn't half as world-altering and mind-blowing as, say, moving states. But it makes sense to me and helps me make sense of why and how I think through my decision making.

I recently wanted to cut all of my hair off. To be frank, I wanted to go borderline bald, but thankfully I'm not a complete moron. I thought about this for weeks without any one knowing. Then I went to some key players in my life and asked their opinions. One person, my best friend, told me to do it. Everyone else said I'd look like a boy, I don't have the face for it, I'm too tall, too un-petit, etc.
Finally, one random day, I drove about fourty-five minutes south of my home, found a random hair stylist and cut it. No one knew. I was terrified, but very, very satisfied.
This silly hair journey has turned out to reveal alot about myself and the generation surrounding me. We cannot think on our own. If we do, we freak out. If we actually let ourselves chew on our thoughts and make our own decisions instead of following the pattern laid down before us by our parents, youth ministers, ministers, mentors, siblings etc., we think we will fail. There's no way that our desires are what God really wants us to do. Theres no way that I can fullfill my calling that I feel like Christ has put on my life (Which is the same for all of us by the way. The only "calling" that has been placed on us is to spread the Word and love like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't) unless I do what I want to do.

I'm not talking about the obvious, living a life of true sin and living for your own desires and pleasures. Please understand that I'm not promoting self-indulgence or selfishness. By no means. I'm promoting following what God has built into you instead of feeling like you have to impress and be like that girl or guy that is going to Africa or Nepal this summer.

Which leads to the last leg of this race.

Nick said something profound, and it broke my heart. He said:
                              
       "If there existed a religion that merged the doctorines of Christianity; loving others, serving others, community and selflessness, with the doctorines of an Eastern religion like Hinduism where you look within yourself to find who you are and your purpose, I would believe in it and follow it whole heartedly. The problem with Christianity is that everyone is watching everyone else for directions on how to live until they end up living lives that they are unhappy with. Everyone is too focused on everyone else. How can they do anything for "god" if their too focused on what everyone else is doing for him? I don't want any part of that."

This friend has got the picture better than the majority of our churches, I'm afraid. It's beautiful really, because what Nick said IS Christianity! There's the old 90s worship song that talks about there being a "God-shaped hole" inside of all of us. That's true. Every creation points back to it's creator, whether it acknowledges it or not. Whether we want to accept it or embrace it or not, we point to Christ. Nick just proved my point. Even though we are not representing him in a way that makes Nick want to join, we are still representing him. Apparently we aren't doing a very good job, because Nick doesn't even really understand what Christianity is. We're all too busy waiting for someone else to explain it to the world.

What ever happened to meditation? Meditating, chewing on the Word, day and night? What ever happened to embracing the creation that God made each and every one of us, instead of embracing what we wish we were?

Psalm 119: 14-16
In the way of your testimonies I delight
as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts
and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word.

Joshua 1:7-9
Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good successwherever you go.  This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Meditate. Chew. Not only on the Word, but dig within yourself and really think about who God has asked you to be. This is our duty as the Body.

I Corinthians 12:17-19
" If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be?"

We all have our place. I have the desires that I have because God placed them on me. That's okay. My immediate reaction in time of need is to go to someone. A whole lot of someones. By the time I've asked everyone's opinion, I'm beyond confused, hurt, broken and stressed. Even if it's as simple as a hair cut. You have to do it. You do. It was placed on you for a reason. You will do it.

If you're called to have a family and raise children, you have to do it. Pray for patience and understanding and the peace of Christ until he brings you to that place in your life.

If you're called to travel the world, whatever the capacity (you don't have to take care of little babies or asians in order to be on mission. You can backpack Europe or spend a year teaching English and have more of an impact) Do it.

I have been living a life I didn't choose for a while.  I have been trying to be someone I wasn't sure of for a long time. I have desires. I have passions. They are different than yours. I no longer want to guage myself against your passions. We both make up the body. I cannot be an ear when I'm made to be a finger. And that's okay.

 

1 comment:

  1. One of the things that my parents have always pointed me towards is to do what I enjoy. Not simply indulging myself as you explained clearly above, but finding where I "fit" so to speak in the world and in that finding what God has called me to do as "ministry". People have a hard time grasping that I have a college degree and all I'm doing is working as a bank teller. The reality for me and for what they don't understand is I'm perfectly content right now. Do I wish I made more money? Do I wish I lived somewhere else? Of course! But in August I will be starting graduate school in Jonesboro. If I hadn't taken the year off and happen upon this I would have ended up in another state going to grad school away from my family and friends that I love. Once you know where you are headed, even if it takes 10 years to get there a person is content in that journey knowing the end result is what they are seeking.

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