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The title is irrelevant.

I cannot believe this week just happened. Do you ever go through something in your life and once it is over, stop and think about it and stand in amazement at the fact that it actually happened? How do we handle some things? How is it, that we can survive without stress eating us alive... How can we manage to wake up, day after day, after being beaten down... day after day. I really do not have an answer. Sometimes I feel like Jesus sits on the side of my bed and puts his arm around me and says "Sweetheart, this is going to be hard. You have no idea what today holds, but I do... and I'm glad I'm here for you." I know that Christ is always there. He is my strength and my song. Without him, I would be eaten alive by the life that I am unable to live on my own. I am so far from righteous. I am so far from what I've been called to be. I just... can't begin to tell you. I wish that I really was what people see me as, but unfortunately I'm terribly impatient, and terribly depressing, and terribly heartless. It's days like this when I have an out-of-body experience and realize what my flesh looks like.
I'm thankful for these days, it puts the mirror in front of my face and reminds me why I need grace.

"Grace, Grace... God's Grace...
Grace that is greater than all our sin..."

This is sooooo plain, and bland, and shallow... and normal...
but I would be an awful person without Christ. And so would you.

Directions

Let me just record some prayers I've prayed over the last 2 hours:

To God, From Me...
I hate being here, Lord. Do other Godly women feel this way? (I say that not because I feel Godly, but because I want to be Godly) I don't want to push him away, or do whatever this crap is called. I just want to be inside of your will. I want to know what your will is! My heart aches, so terribly. I want what you want, but I continue to do what I do. Whatever your will is, reveal it and give me what you feel is appropriate for this direction.
I want to be satisfied in you. I want to find my worth and value in who you are. Please ease the pain of this process... I know it will take time, but please ease the pain. Please. I want to find my joy in you. I want to tell my friends and family our love story. I'm trusting you to speak.


Isaiah 43.


Yes Lord. Peace with friendship now, Patience to let you work. Continue to speak through my dreams. Amen.


What a beautiful picture. I pray, he answers. I cry, he catches. I scream, he calms. That's what a father does. Thank God he's my father.

Updates

Wouldn't you say that a blog is a lot like having a xanga? Maybe it's just me, but I'm treating this thing the same way that I used my xanga. It's basically an online diary. With that out of the way... I'll update.